Chris suggested the other day that we get a small TV to put in the living room so that Kate could watch her shows, and we could watch ours. I told him that was a stupid idea.
Today, while I was trying to watch Jeopardy, Kate kept whining while yelling, “Yo Yo? Yo Yo?” (Translation: Yo Gabba Gabba.) I couldn’t hear, so my solution is pictured below:
I take it back. You win, Chris.
An English teacher friend of mine was reminding her class that Anne Boleyn was pregnant before marrying Henry VIII. Immediately, a student I taught last year piped up and joked that they needed to rename her Anne Blow-lyn. I saw this student in the hall today and asked him about his inappropriate joke. He made an interesting point: “No one will ever forget that Anne Boleyn was pregnant before getting married.” I had no response because he was right.
This got me thinking on my long commute home from school: Is there any way I can use this new idea to my advantage? Could I tie the million standards I have to teach to something violent or profane? Would that make any difference in my test scores?
Every year I have to remind students what alliteration is. But what if I used the Ben Folds Five song “Give Me My Money Back” to teach it? Those of you who are familiar with the song know how he repeats the “b” sound. That could lead to a more advanced discussion of how the harsh “b” sound contributes to his angry tone. THEN I could explain that while the tone is angry, the mood is humorous. What a great lesson! And they would probably always remember alliteration, tone, and mood.
But alas. I work in a rural school district where such teaching practices would get me fired. Actually, I think they’d get me fired no matter where I was teaching. Too bad. I bet my test scores would be AWESOME.
Today, Chris’s company volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. Chris had to be at the job site at 6:30 this morning, and he spent the day installing doors and caulking. We had the following conversation tonight:
Me: Go feed the dogs.
Chris: No, you feed the dogs. Do you have any idea how sore I am? And I know you just sat around reading your book all day.
Me: Actually, I watched football all day. I even took a little nap at halftime.
Guess who fed the dogs?
(Now my hand smells like dog food. Blech.)
I have a new guilty pleasure: Dance Moms. I watched the first eight episodes over Labor Day weekend. For those of you interested in enrolling your child in competitive dance, I have a few tips.
Whenever someone tells me they’re having twins, I can’t manage to be normal and say, “Congratulations! That’s so exciting!”
Instead, I make a horrible face, and say, “Oh, GOD. That’s my worst NIGHTMARE.”
This may be why very few people talk to me.
Dear Democrat and Republican leaders,
I would like to offer my assistance in this debt crisis business. I am a public school teacher, and for the first six years of my career, I worked in an urban setting. Many gang members attended my school, and no one considered gang affiliation in the zoning process. Therefore, I (obviously) had classes comprised of a variety of gang members.
When creating cooperative learning groups, I didn’t group by gang. Somehow, these sworn enemies would sit in my English class and grudgingly work together. I distinctly remember a Blood, Crip, and MS13 member who became such good friends that they shared their gang signs with each other. (For you privileged leaders, this is akin to sharing your fraternity or sorority secret handshakes with each other.) Now, please don’t think this ability to get gang members to work together is some secret power that only I possess. All public school teachers develop this ability by the second year, or they find another career.
So what does this have to do with you? Well, if you let me be part of your discussions on how to solve this debt crisis, I think I can help facilitate your discussion. I can get the Republicans (the Bloods) and the Democrats (the Crips) to sit down and come to an agreement. (I guess I shouldn’t leave out the Tea Party members. Which gang should they be? Hmmm… The craziest one, I guess.) I think we can have it all wrapped up in a few days. If I bring my teacher friends, we can have it wrapped up in a couple of hours, tops.
When we’ve got the debt crisis solved, we can move on to education reform. Believe me, we need that, too.
Let me know soon if you want my help. I only have one week of summer break left.
Sincerely,
Annie Leggett
As we were leaving the zoo today, I stopped to wait on my friends to catch up. Two women pushing their children in strollers walked by and said, “Awe,” while looking at Kate. I smiled back at them, glanced down at Kate, and noticed her head was listing forward.
“Is she asleep?” I asked them frantically.
They nodded yes. I immediately reached down and viciously exuberantly poked her in the side and yelled, “Wake up!” Kate jumped up, startled, and frowned at me. The two women gave me a “don’t give the crazy lady anything sharp” look (which I tend to get A LOT) and scurried away.
Why did I not just let her sleep? Because nap time is for me. It’s the best part of my day. Kate naps, on average, two and a half hours. Sometimes I get THREE hours all to myself. I can read in the blissful silence, watch whatever I want on TV, or take a nap myself. It’s amazing. But when Kate fell asleep in her stroller, that meant her nap time just got shorter. I also knew she’d fall asleep on the way to lunch, which she did—even though I turned around and tapped her on the head to keep her awake, pulling a muscle in the process.
So now we’re home from lunch. I put Kate down for a nap. I’m writing this blog. She’s kicking the wall.
Blue’s Clues has taken over our lives. It is the only show Kate really seems to like. She walks around making the Blue’s Clues sign, yelling, “Gu Gu,” until you turn it on. She starts this again as soon as the credits roll. I spend way too much time thinking about Blue’s Clues, so here are some of my thoughts.
1. It is strange that Blue, the dog, is the only character who cannot talk. The salt and pepper shakers talk, the mailbox talks, and even the cat talks, but not Blue. I understand that the entire concept of the show relies on the fact that Blue cannot talk, hence the need to figure out Blue’s clues, but it still seems odd.
2. I’ve heard that moms get crushes on Steve. This has not happened to me yet. I cannot get over the pleated pants he wears.
3. Joe sucks. I always skip his episodes, but I feel bad for disliking him so much. He had pretty big clunky brown shoes to fill.
4. My favorite song is the opening song about how to play Blue’s Clues. Kate sits down in her “thinking” chair when Steve does and puts her hands on her face to think. It’s adorable. Chris’s favorite song is the mail song. He got very upset when an episode skipped the mail song.
5. What I think about most is whether or not Steve draws the pictures. Chris and I have discussed it at length. In fact, our entire dinner conversation at Macaroni Grill last night involved this question. We sat there with the crayons that the restaurant provides, drawing some of the clues to see how difficult they are. Chris’s first drawing of Blue looked like a rabbit with spots, but the second one was pretty good. Then he tried to draw a camera, which was a clue on an episode we’d just watched, but it was too difficult. Chris still thinks that Steve draws the pictures, but I think he is tracing them.
It’s probably time to find another show for Kate to watch, so I tried Yo Gabba Gabba the other day. It made me want to punch someone, so I turned Blue’s Clues back on. It really is the least annoying kid’s show.
Tonight Chris and I are flipping between the NBA finals and the Tony’s. I like that we are diverse in our interests. Granted, I had to ask Chris if we were for the blue team or the white team. I never watch NBA basketball. All I really know is that we hate Lebron James. I didn’t hate him until that stupid “Decision” business—the most disgusting display of hubris EVER. (I stuck the word “hubris” in there for you, former students, if you are still reading this. Look it up if you don’t already know it. That’s right. I’m not out of teaching mode yet. Give me another week.) Anyway, Dallas is blue, so we are for the blue team. I can’t believe I’m pulling for a Dallas team. Yeesh.
Our other viewing selection, the Tony Awards, has been incredibly funny. The opening number taught me that Broadway’s not just for “the gays.” Thanks, Neil Patrick Harris, for that bit of hilarity. I’ve loved you since your Doogie Howser days, and I haven’t stopped. Then I discovered that if I don’t get to see The Book of Mormon soon, I may die. Must. See. It. Now.
Tonight’s not the only time Chris and I have demonstrated our range of interests. In April, we watched the NFL draft (something I was actually interested in) on a Thursday night, and then we went to the ballet on Sunday. The ballet, believe it or not, was Chris’s idea. I must remember that when he annoys me by spending WAY too much time in the yard. Who else would watch football AND go see musicals with me? Not many people, I’d say.
I decided that we should get a pool for Kate to play in this weekend. She loves bath time, so I figured she’d love a baby pool. Apparently, extending logic to anything toddler-related is stupid. Really, really stupid. This is a valuable lesson for all future parents of toddlers. I did not know this until today. I documented the first pool experience photographically, as all new parents are apt to do.
This is the mood Kate was in, pre-swimming. I should have just quit then. But I foolishly persevered, just certain that she would love her pool.
She was unsure at first, but I just knew the joy was about to set in.
Hmmm…This is not the happiness I was expecting. Perhaps the water is too cold?
Take two- This time with warmer water and bath toys. (So really, what’s the point? Why not just take a bath?)
And...She still hates it.
A quick rendition of "If you're happy and you know it" gets her smiling.
We turned the sprinkler on at the end. I was confident that she would scream, but she actually liked it. Again, with the logic? Throw it out when dealing with a toddler.
